sitting alone, doing nothing
you can say being pathetic
here's "celebrating" 13 years.

13 years ago today I made a big bold move.

Now 13 years after, I'm being forced to re-examine if I did the right thing.

So this is how "crap" feels like.....

Therapy #2: Color my Hair

Who's to say what decisions are right in these situations? Who decides which way to go? Why am I so torn?

"I can live without you, I just don't want to."

I try to make sense or reason of this every single time. Is this an attempt to shift attention or the weight of the situation? Is there a consolation that I'm supposed to owe him?

The question remains.....how do i want to proceed in my life? I still do not know. Why don't I want it so badly that I can finally say, this is what I want?

On one hand, 11 years is not something that is easy to let go of. However, i am as of now, still very much broken. I know I will be for the rest of my life. If I can't promise to forget, what's the use of going on?

I was finally able to delete the pictures......Maybe it means I'm ready to move forward, wherever forward is.......

Karaoke night

"Strumming my pain wth his fingers
Singng my life with hs words
Killing me softly with his songs."

........Every song that was sung tonight felt like the story of my life.
I felt my heart crushed over and over and over...........

Bernadette Peters - "I Dreamed A Dream"

"But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame"