Who's to say what decisions are right in these situations? Who decides which way to go? Why am I so torn?

"I can live without you, I just don't want to."

I try to make sense or reason of this every single time. Is this an attempt to shift attention or the weight of the situation? Is there a consolation that I'm supposed to owe him?

The question remains.....how do i want to proceed in my life? I still do not know. Why don't I want it so badly that I can finally say, this is what I want?

On one hand, 11 years is not something that is easy to let go of. However, i am as of now, still very much broken. I know I will be for the rest of my life. If I can't promise to forget, what's the use of going on?